Let’s be honest: tough conversations are really…tough. It takes a lot of emotional energy and prayer and focus to have a hard talk with someone—especially in the church world because our emotions and identity can be so tied to our ministry work.
Sometimes the hard questions are aimed at vision and structure: are we being who we claim we want to be as an organization, and what methods can help us get there? But often the hard conversations are about “people issues.” As humans, we’ve all got our talents and our foibles, so ministering together can get tricky. However, working through our differences and difficulties can be one of the best ways to mature as individuals and develop unity as a team.
Mac Mcarthy suggests that most of us turn to the “Name and Blame” method of dealing with issues. Here’s his experience:
A few years ago, my plan would have been simple and straightforward: name and blame.
I would have leveraged my positional power as his boss to apply pressure toward the desired outcome. I would have sat him down, named the problem, provided evidence for the problem, demanded that the problem be rectified, and attached a deadline to ensure a timely fix.
“Here’s the problem. Here’s why this is a problem. You need to fix this problem. This is how much time you have to do it. Oh, and is there anything I can to do help you fix this in time?“
The conversation would have taken no more than 15 minutes, I would get my point across, and the onus would be on him to improve things…or else!
But what I’ve been learning is that this approach doesn’t do good work for anyone involved.
I have been on both sides of the name-and-blame game and it sure doesn’t feel great, but it can be difficult to imagine an alternative. How about you? Check out the rest of the article on the Gravity Commons Blog, where Mac shares his learning that emulating Jesus in hard conversations will involve letting go of our perceived power and clinging to the way of Jesus: humility, gentleness, patience, empowerment.
For a deeper dive, check out C. Christopher Smith’s How the Body of Christ Talks. We’ll share a review of this book next week, so stay tuned!
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